Last night was tiring, like any other sleepless nights. I kept my eyes glued to the night sky which is partially visible from my room. Despite knowing that the moon will never be visible from that part of my home, I never let faith die since years. But now I have started accepting that it won't come to the window no matter how hopeful I am; some realities will not change for the sake of someone's faith. Isn't that so? My eyes don't ache any longer. Most of the time they are wide opened and lost amidst the continuous flashbacks. Even though the episodes of flashbacks remain constant, I'm never bored. May be I am getting used to monotony. I could see the sky changing it's colour from the dark shades to the slightly fading blue. It was for third time when I got up and sat quiet for few minutes and took a long breath before lying down again.
It was around 0345 hours when a sudden thought made me restless. The more I tried to overcome it and squeezed my eyes, the deeper it went through. I could, by then, hear the cheerful tittering of cuckoos and the harsh cawing of the restless crows. It was a new dawn and the old me, wretched and scuffling. The curtains were drawn and the windows closed. I buried my face on the cushion and my world, for another night, crashed with silent screams.
I could sense someone tiptoeing into my room. But I pretended to be asleep. I heard the familiar voices conversing in a cheerful tone, with which I started reminding my mind how within next few minutes I also have to be a part of it without a single trace of what the night has done to me. It was exactly 0830 hours when I decided to wake up from an illusion. For next few minutes I fought an eternal battle with my heart and finally suppressed my blues with a nice smile on face.
I wanted to scream; I wanted to run around like a lunatic; I wanted to fall down and dig my nails into the concrete floor which like my heart never let me trespass. There's always an awkward silence in my mind, every morning, overcoming which kills my blues. Because somewhere I also started believing that it's easier to pretend than to explain. I so want to spend the early hours of the day nourishing my morning blues, but every time I kill you; not intentionally but helplessly. As the world nourishes delightful pink more than the cold blue. May be someday I will be brave enough to embrace you and neglect the world. Till then, I have to suppress you.
It was around 0345 hours when a sudden thought made me restless. The more I tried to overcome it and squeezed my eyes, the deeper it went through. I could, by then, hear the cheerful tittering of cuckoos and the harsh cawing of the restless crows. It was a new dawn and the old me, wretched and scuffling. The curtains were drawn and the windows closed. I buried my face on the cushion and my world, for another night, crashed with silent screams.
I could sense someone tiptoeing into my room. But I pretended to be asleep. I heard the familiar voices conversing in a cheerful tone, with which I started reminding my mind how within next few minutes I also have to be a part of it without a single trace of what the night has done to me. It was exactly 0830 hours when I decided to wake up from an illusion. For next few minutes I fought an eternal battle with my heart and finally suppressed my blues with a nice smile on face.
I wanted to scream; I wanted to run around like a lunatic; I wanted to fall down and dig my nails into the concrete floor which like my heart never let me trespass. There's always an awkward silence in my mind, every morning, overcoming which kills my blues. Because somewhere I also started believing that it's easier to pretend than to explain. I so want to spend the early hours of the day nourishing my morning blues, but every time I kill you; not intentionally but helplessly. As the world nourishes delightful pink more than the cold blue. May be someday I will be brave enough to embrace you and neglect the world. Till then, I have to suppress you.
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